Winter's End
by Enora516
Summary: In a slight change of events from Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Bucky is apprehended by SHIELD before his attempt on Fury's life, though Hydra comes out of the shadows regardless. Bucky is placed in the care of one of SHIELD's top medical officers, Nora Dugan. Though slow to trust, they form a connection that eventually helps Bucky heal.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The redheaded doctor stood in the center of her med lab watching as the agents brought him in. So much about him was unknown, and, once discovered, would no doubt be classified. So, as the only doctor aboard the hellicarrier with high enough security clearance, Nora would be working alone. There were other agents in the room, of course, just in case. At 5'2" with no combat training, she would be helpless if things got ugly. He was sedated, but if whatever had been done to him was anything like what had been done to Steve, those sedatives wouldn't last very long. So while she knew the agents were there for her protection, they put her on edge.

She'd been briefed on what to expect from the injuries, old and new, of the incoming patient, but the reality of it was worse than she'd expected. The physical trauma he must have been through was staggering. The raw line of skin where the metal arm had been attached made her cringe. He lay on the table in front of her, unconscious and riddled with bullet holes, and, though he was the enemy, she felt a sudden pang of sympathy for the Winter Soldier. She knew who he really was, of course. She'd spoken to Steve before they brought him in; Sergeant James "Bucky" Barnes, Captain America's one time best friend. She knew more than just what Steve had told her, however. Her grandfather had been a Howling Commando, so she grew up hearing the stories of Captain America and his group. It was what made her want to join SHIELD in the first place. She knew what a good man Bucky had been, and how he'd died. Or, not died, as it turned out. Of course, the man in front of her wasn't exactly Bucky anymore. Brainwashed who knows how many times over, he had no memory of his true self; it was hard at this point to know if he had any memory of any point in his life.

She immediately got to work extracting the various bullets from his arm and torso. It was a miracle that they hadn't done much damage. She was just sewing up the last of the wounds when she saw his eyes begin to flutter open. She tensed up, but continued with the stitches as he opened his eyes fully and turned slightly to look at her. He tensed, and the agents in the room immediately drew their weapons and moved in, stopped only by an abrupt gesture from her to stand down. He hadn't moved, despite the obvious threat, and she saw no need to turn this into a fight unnecessarily.

"We're okay here." She said, calmly returning to her stitching, finishing in silence and cleaning up her surgical tools before turning to regard the soldier. He hadn't moved, hadn't made a sound, but he kept his eyes fixed on her, not sure whether she was friend or foe. He was like a wild animal assessing a threat. Once she'd finally made her way back over to his side, he decided it was safe to take his eyes off her, and turned to regard the stitches now running up his arm and chest. He looked at her questioningly, then back at his healing wounds.

"They don't hurt", he said in confusion, "Why don't they hurt?"

"Well", she responded, a little confused, "I gave you something for the pain".

"Why"?

"Why"? She asked, her eyebrows shooting up in surprise, "I … I don't want you to be in pain".

He considered that for a moment, then went back to simply watching her as she moved about the lab. She picked up a syringe and approached him again.

"I don't know how much longer the pain medication will last, to be honest", she told him gently, "I suspect your body will metabolize the medicine much faster than a normal human, so it will probably start to wear off soon. I'd like to confirm my suspicion, if you'd let me take a blood sample and run some tests".

He tensed again as she held the needle up, eying the agents that still surrounded the room. He knew about tests. He knew about being poked and prodded and experimented on… He began to feel the anger rising up as he noticed the agent by the door trying to look casual as he moved in, the tension in the room increasing, until he felt a soft hand on his shoulder. He relaxed slightly, looking up at her as she waved off the approaching agent.

"Only if you say it's okay, alright James?" she said quietly, squeezing his shoulder and giving him a small smile.

She turned to the agents in the room, suddenly assuming a stance of authority.

"Thank you for your services, gentlemen. I don't think I'll be requiring anything else of you today", she said curtly, turning back to him.

They all hesitated a moment, torn between their training to follow orders (as the senior medical officer on board, not to mention a legacy, she outranked every single one of them), and their distrust of the enemy. She turned and levelled a final stare at them, and they straightened and filed out the room. Her stance relaxed and she pulled a chair over to the table, pushing the button to incline it so that he was now in a sitting position. He regarded her cautiously, not sure what to make of her.

"My name is Nora", she said, extending her hand for him to shake. He simply turned away.

"James…" she said, a sympathetic look flitting across her face "I can only imagine what Hydra has done to you, but I'm not like that. No tests, no experiments, nothing that you don't say is okay."

"Why do you keep calling me that?" he asked somberly, "My name isn't James".

"What is your name"?

"I don't have one". He said it so matter-of-factly, it was heartbreaking.

"You do", she smiled sadly, "You just don't remember".

His brow furrowed, confusion and sadness written all over his face. He extended his good arm toward her.

"Run whatever tests you want", he said, making a fist and closing his eyes.

She picked up the syringe again, quickly and gently drawing a vial of blood, and got to work running the various tests she hoped would provide her with some answers.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Less than an hour later, her tests had been run and she'd moved him to a more comfortable bed. The tests had confirmed some of her suspicions, but they'd also raised more questions. Not only did his cells have the same regenerative properties as Steve Rogers, but she'd found traces of two different drugs in his system. She had some ideas as to the reason behind the presence of those drugs, so she sat down again next to him to get more answers.

"Look, I know you don't want me to call you James, but I need to call you something, so what shall it be?" she asked.

"If it makes you feel better to call me James, call me James", he replied flatly.

She sighed and leaned back in her chair. "I was right about your cell regeneration. I assume the painkillers have worn off"?

She took his silence as an affirmative.

"I found some other things when I tested your blood. Do you know anything about the drugs they gave you"?

"They gave me an injection after every mission", he replied, looking away from her. "If the mission was successful, green. If the mission failed, red".

"I assume the green injections made you feel good", she continued, a knot forming in her chest as she realized where this was going.

"And the red injections caused pain", he finished.

"They were conditioning you", she said, the knot in her chest tightening as she took in his expressionless eyes. "And they were keeping you on a leash. I think you're probably about to start experiencing withdrawal symptoms. Have you ever gone more than 48 hours without either drug"?

"No", he said shortly, but finally turning to look at her.

She sighed again, her sympathy growing for this broken man, "It's not going to be pleasant, I'm afraid. I can sedate you, but with your increased metabolism, the sedative won't last very long. We'll have to wait until the symptoms become close to unbearable", she finished sadly.

"How long will it last", he asked, still very matter-of-fact, no trace of fear or reluctance in his voice as he turned away from her.

"With your cell regeneration … a day? I can knock you out for about six hours, but that's it. I'm going to hook you up to a heart monitor, just to keep an eye on you. I'll stay with you, ok"?

He whipped his head back to look at her, suspicion in his eyes, but remained silent, only nodded. She stood and began prepping the room again, bringing over the heart monitor, placing a bucket next to him on the floor, and laying a blanket at his feet. Then she sat down again and placed her hand on top of his. He flinched at the contact, pulling his hand away. She withdrew and placed her hand back in her lap, not wanting to push.

They sat for a long time in silence. He would occasionally turn to glance at her, meeting her eyes, then abruptly looking away. Eventually, she noticed him starting to tense up again, his arms unconsciously wrapping around himself as the chills began to set it. She wordlessly opened the blanket and spread it over him, not sure how much comfort he would allow her to give him. He uncurled a little, the blanket providing him with some warmth, and then shot forward, grabbing the bucket and emptying his stomach into it. Rubbing his back lightly, still not wanting to push, she was seemingly unable to stop herself from trying to comfort him. He looked at her as he put the bucket down and leaned back, and she was relieved to see what looked like gratitude in his eyes. She smiled at him and got him a glass of water, sitting back in her chair with her hands resting on the edge of the bed. She watched him drink it and put it back down, then tried to conceal her surprise as she felt his hand slide under hers and grip it tentatively. He rolled onto his side and closed his eyes, his brow furrowing and his hand gripping hers tighter. She ran her fingers through his hair gently and prepared to wait out what was going to be a long night.

Hours later, he still hadn't said a word, but was clearly reaching the worst of his withdrawal symptoms. Squeezing his hand, she stood and picked up a syringe.

"I think it's time for that sedative", she said quietly, still holding his hand.

"I'm fine", he said, a trace of stubbornness in his voice, "I can handle it".

"I know you can", she said, trying hard not to sound placating, "But you don't have to. Wouldn't you rather sleep"?

For the first time since he'd come in to her lab, he looked scared. She felt that knot tighten further as she realized sleep was not a comfort for him. Sleep meant dreaming, and she could only imagine the horrible things his subconscious had to work through while he slept.

Forcing his face back into a neutral expression, he nodded, not wanting her to see his fear. She gave him the injection and sat back down, waiting for the drugs to take effect. Within minutes, his head was nodding, his heart rate slowing. He finally leaned back, eyes closed, his muscles relaxing and his heart rate slowing to a firm, steady pace. Confident he was out, she put her head down herself, recognizing her own need to get some rest, but not wanting to leave him.


	3. Chapter 3

_(Sorry, this is a really short one. I'll have another chapter up tomorrow!)_

Chapter 3

Morning came, and Nora awoke to the feeling of a hand resting on her shoulder. She sat up and took in her surroundings, eyes finally coming to rest on the man in the hospital bed. He looked better. His blue eyes were clearer, more of the tension was gone, but he was regarding her with that same look of confusion and suspicion he'd given her the night before.

"You're still here", he said almost accusingly. "Why"?

She combed her fingers through her hair and stretched, forcing the last traces of sleepiness away. "I didn't want you to wake up alone. Or with a stranger here".

"What does it matter to you?" he finally asked, giving voice to the question he'd been wanting to ask since they first brought him in.

"James", she said, hesitating, not sure what the right answer was, "I know it's not something you're used to, being taken care of. But …", she hesitated again, "I just feel like you must have been through so much pain and suffering, I want to give you whatever comfort I can, however small it may be. Has no one ever shown you compassion before"?

"Compassion?" he said bitterly, "I'm a soldier. Compassion is for the weak. I don't need it".

She sighed, "Well, you'll excuse me if I show it to you anyway".

He turned away from her, refusing to meet her eyes as she pulled the electrodes of the heart monitor off his chest.

Moving to the door, she continued, "Look, we've set a room up for you here. I'll have some agents escort you. I'm going to shower and change, and then I'd like to talk to you about your past. But I want you to know you're not our prisoner. If you want to leave, tell me now and you'll be dropped at the nearest safe point". She looked at him, the challenge in her eyes clear.

He'd never been given a choice before, and he sat in silent contemplation for a long time, before finally asking, "What will you do with me here"?

"I don't know", she answered honestly. "You're a risk. But we won't do anything to you that you don't want. We won't hurt you unless you give us a reason. That's all I can offer you at this point, but I guarantee it's a better offer than what you'll get if you go back to Hydra".

He stood, taking a moment to check in with himself physically. The past 24 hours had brought about a lot of changes for him, mentally and physically. For the first time since he could remember, he felt in control of himself.

"I'll stay", he said tersely.

"Good", she replied, genuinely happy that he'd be staying, hopeful that he'd have a better life at SHIELD. "I'll see you in a few hours".

Stepping out into the hall, she gestured to the agent stationed just outside the lab door. "Would you take Mr. Barnes to his room? You can leave him to his own devices, but stay by the door. I don't want anyone short of Director Fury himself going in to see him. Understood"?

The agent nodded and moved into the lab, motioning for James to follow him. Nora waited until they were on their way before following behind and heading to her own room.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

She lingered in the shower, running over the events of the last day. She didn't know what the future had in store for the Winter Soldier, but she wanted to make sure she did everything in her power to give him the life she knew he should've had. She'd delivered her report to Director Fury, recommending he stay on the ship until further decisions could be made about him, adding that she trusted that he wouldn't be a danger to himself or anyone else, that Bucky was still in there.

She stepped out of the shower,dried her hair, and dressed. She was nervous about the impending conversation with the soldier. He was in such a fragile psychological state, she didn't want say the wrong thing. Plus, the more she learned about him, the more her heart broke for him. She took a deep breath and stepped out into the hall, making her way towards the room that had been assigned to him. She nodded at the agent in the hall and knocked on the door.

A moment passed with nothing, long enough that she was just raising her hand to knock again when he opened it.

"Everything alright", she asked as he stepped aside to let her in.

"Yes", he replied, "I was deciding whether to let you in or not".

"Well, thank you for deciding in my favor." She replied genuinely, moving to one of the two chairs positioned in the corner. "May I sit?"

"Why do you keep …" He trailed off, his face taking on its customary blank expression. "Yes, sit".

"Join me?" She asked, and he nodded and sat in the empty chair across from her. "I know this might be difficult for you, but I want to know what you remember of your past."

"My past? I don't …" He struggled, paused, then finally continued, "I don't have a past. The first thing I remember is waking up in a chair in a room surrounded by men. I can recall vague images of training, fighting, and then there's a man telling me that I've been doing important work, and there's more to be done. He shows me a picture of a man, says he's my target, my mission. There are things around me, in the world, that seem familiar, I instinctively know a lot of things, but I can't remember having done any of them before …"

He closed his eyes as he spoke, leaning forward to put his elbows on his knees, his hands clenching into fists. She reached out and put her hand over his good one, and he jerked back, eyes flying open in surprise at the contact.

"You say my name is James?" He asked, sitting back in his chair. "But that doesn't seem familiar".

"It's been a long time since you were called James. James Buchanan Barnes is your full name, Bucky for short."

"Bucky …" He trailed off, "That sounds familiar ... That man I fought, he called me Bucky. Does he know me?"

"He does. His name is Steve Rogers. You've known him since you were a child."

He didn't respond, but she could see him struggling to remember.

"Director Fury, the man who runs this organization, would like to speak with you. Will you come with me to his office?" She asked, standing.

"What does he want to speak to me about?" He asked, remembering his conversations with the man who ran the last organization that kept him.

"I don't know", she replied honestly, "But he's not a bad man. He likes to intimidate people, but underneath, he is good. He probably wants to talk about what we should do with you."

"Alright", he said, standing and walking to the door with her.

She waved off the guard as they made their way into the hall and towards the elevator. She glanced at Bucky, aware that this situation had the potential for disaster. He didn't seem nervous, though. He simply walked on, back straight, eyes forward, like the soldier he'd been trained to be.

They reached Fury's office and she stopped, turning to Bucky, "He'll want to speak to you alone. I'll be right out here, though."

He nodded, and she knocked on the door. Fury opened it and stepped aside, gesturing for Bucky to come in.

"Doc", Fury said, turning back to her, "I'll have an agent escort him back when we're done chatting".

She took a deep breath, "If it's alright, sir, I'll wait here. I told Bucky I would".

Bucky turned to her at the mention of his nickname, regarding her with a look that she couldn't quite place, but was softer than anything she'd seen from him. Fury watched the silent exchange between them, not saying anything. She hoped he recognized the importance of earning Bucky's trust, and breathed a small sigh of relief when he simply nodded and closed the door.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

After what felt like forever, but was probably only about half an hour, Fury opened the door, closing it again as Bucky stepped out into the hallway.

"How did it go?" Nora asked nonchalantly as they made their way back to his room.

"I'm going to stay here for a while. He asked me what my plans were, and I told him I didn't have any. He asked me what I knew of Hydra, and I told him what I told you. He told me he couldn't trust me, and asked me what he was supposed to do with me. I told him I didn't know."

They'd reached his room by that point, and she stopped in front of his door, noting there were no longer agents stationed in front of his room. She wanted to hear about the rest of his conversation with Fury, but as before, she didn't want to push.

Bucky reached for the door and opened it, surprising her by stepping aside to let her in.

She smiled to herself, asking, "Are you inviting me in?"

"I thought you'd like to hear about the rest of our conversation." He said matter-of-factly.

"I would, thank you."

They crossed to the chairs in the corner, sitting in them as they had earlier in the day. She leaned back and waited, trusting he'd continue when he was ready.

"He told me that you recommended I stay here, that you trusted me not to be a danger. And he said that, luckily for me, he trusts your opinion. I'm confined to this deck until further notice, but I'm free to move around this deck as I please. Unless, of course, I get out of line, then he'll do whatever is necessary."

"Well", she sighed, "I'm glad he took my advice."

"Thank you", he said simply.

"You're welcome", she replied, smiling. "What will you do with yourself? There's a gym on this deck, but I can't imagine you'll spend all your time working out. Do you read?"

"I don't know", he replied. "I know how, but like I said, I don't remember every really reading anything".

"I'll get you some books, we'll figure out what you like".

"Thank you", he said again simply. He brushed his hair out of his face, and it gave her a thought.

"Would you like me to cut your hair"? She asked tentatively.

He didn't say anything. He simply regarded her silently for a moment, finally nodding his agreement. She held up her hand to indicate she'd be right back, and ran to her own room down the hall to grab a pair of scissors. Returning to his room, she saw he'd left the door open for her, so she walked in and gestured for him to sit. Moving to stand behind him, she began to comb her fingers through his hair. He relaxed, closing his eyes and tipping his head back. Seeing him take comfort in the gesture, she simply ran her fingers through his hair for a moment, watching his face relax and more of the tension ease out of his body. She eventually picked up the scissors and began cutting chunks of hair, moving methodically around his head, trying to keep it close to the style she'd seen him wear in the pictures her grandfather had shown her. She stepped back once she was done, putting the scissors down on a nearby table.

"Do you want to look in the mirror"? She asked, gesturing to the bathroom door.

He stood slowly, actually nervous at the prospect of seeing his reflection. He'd only seen glimpses of himself reflected in windows and doors, and always felt like the person staring back at him was a stranger. He wasn't sure what would happen when he looked at himself fully in the mirror.

He took the two strides to the bathroom and paused. She sensed his hesitation and moved to put her hand on his arm encouragingly. He steeled himself and walked in, finally looking at himself. She saw him relax as he ran his fingers through his hair, recognizing the man being reflected back for the first time.


End file.
